Disappearance: My unexcused absence

The mental truth, bipolar blogger, mental health, medical school

A few people messaged me, asking where I've been. It was strange because I was very convinced that no one really read this blog. I've been trying to come back for a while, to put into words why I left, and why it was so difficult to write during my time at home. This is not an apology. But I do owe at least an explanation. So here it is:

1. I was lazy. There was a period of time during which I was completely okay, but I didn't write anyway. It was an unproductive period. So I just decided to lay in bed.



2. I was upset. Being in therapy always stirs up issues. One of those, has been by diagnosis. I was convinced that I wasn't bipolar. I was convinced that everyone else was lying to me. I went back and forth, dealing with so many emotions. At one point it was insinuated that I might just have Borderline Personality Disorder alone. This frustrated me. In my opinion, very few people care about personality disorders. I don't even think that I take my own seriously. Bipolar disorder made me feel validated, important, like I had a 'real' issue. I've since had to stomach that regardless of my diagnosis I owe it to myself to deal with it. I've had to accept that I am worth the effort no matter what I struggle with.

3. I felt insignificant. I felt unimportant. I'm in so many Facebook blogger groups. Everyone's expanding, everyone's selling some new book or product. It seems like it's always an underlying competition for subscribers and views. I got so annoyed at myself for checking my blog statistics so obsessively. I started considering changing my blog so more people would like it.

4. I felt my blog wasn't pretty enough. I've wanted to invest so much money into my blog. Getting the domain, plugins, fancy tools. Money that I don't have. (Money that my mother refuses to spend lol)

But, after the last person messaged me tonight, I was challenged to see the impact that this blog could have. Even if it was only on myself. Even if it was only on one person. And for me, that small impact is worth it.
So I'm back. And I am ready to share once again.
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ps. I want to thank Destiny for being the final push I needed.

2 comments

  1. Don't stop blogging, you're making a bigger impact than you think for others. Myself included.

    ReplyDelete

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